Chapter 34 Part 3: Becoming The Bionic Woman
Wow, oh, wow….how much can change over the course of six weeks? About six weeks ago, I was sitting in a doctor’s office as they dropped in that the most effective way to get my life back is to have an artificial disc replacement in my spine, specifically between L4-L5. What?! Whoa. That was not what I was expecting at all. After three years of doctors being pretty dismissive of my pain, and trying about a thousand different things to heal, it felt wild to be struck with the truth. As I went through the images with my doctor, it was plain as day. It was like looking at something face to face that you’d been avoiding for a really long time.
Over the next few weeks, I went through second and third opinions. Some helpful, some harmful. One doctor told me verbatim to “suck it up” and get a spinal fusion in about five years. If you don’t know this yet, spinal fusion is NOT the way to help your back UNLESS you absolutely MUST. I went through every stage of grief, several times. I pleaded and begged and bargained and doubted and raged and cried and second-guessed. And, at the end of it all, I came back to the truth. The best path forward for maximum long-term benefit is to remove the place that cannot seem to heal and give my body a complete realignment with a new disc. I’m literally going to grow an inch or so, which is a wild thought.
It dawns on me how much my body has been WORKING to heal and repair constantly. It strikes me how little we understand the body. I am left with deeper and deeper knowing that I am my own guru, my own doctor, my own advocate. I am boundlessly grateful for the competence, confidence and great care from my doctor (I’ll tell you about him later.) but, I really had to figure this out on my own. If it were left up to the understanding of my primary, chiropractor or any of the other five specialists I’ve seen over the years, I would have become some worn down that fusion would be the only option. If I had not spoken up, pursued someone who would listen, then I would have compromised my long-term health and mobility.
In tandem with western medicine, I have been exploring the spiritual aspects of wounding and healing. Looking at the all the ways I’ve been inflexible, all the ways I have over-sacrificed, all the ways I have refused the be held by something greater than myself. Through ritual and introspection, I can see a lot of parallel between what my body has been doing and how I operate mentally, emotionally and spiritually. In other words, so without, so within. As above, so below. I have really appreciated my approach, blending all layers of being and offering support to my mind, body, soul and spirit.
I have a countdown on my phone labeled “Countdown to Operation Bionic Woman.” It’s a little wink and nudge to myself to stay light-hearted, even in the midst of turmoil. And I reminder that this is an invitation to further greatness. My logical mind doesn’t have to fully grasp this truth, but i fully believe it is all working out for my highest good. Always.
The disc itself is made of cobalt and titanium. So, me being me, I looked up the spiritual meaning of cobalt and titanium. I was not disappointed. Yin & Yang energy - Foundation & Flexibility - Rooted & Etheric. Yes. Yes. Yes. I welcome the version of me that gets to really feel into this energy. I welcome the new beliefs that I’m hardwiring in (pun intended) that say to my subconscious, “I am held and adored. I can trust that I am supported. I can dance through life with passion and joy.” I’ll keep you posted on the journey here. Beaming out bionic super love to each of you and gratitude for all the support.