Chapter 34 Part 6: BRB Menty B at Sea
The truth is - I just really needed some time to coccon after a year of so much change.
My spine surgery. Job uncertainty. Moving to Houston. 2025 truly lived up to the name ‘the year of the snake.’ I feel like everything was shaken and overturned. So I wanted to seclude myself in a cabin.
The universe had humorous plans: a cruise cabin in the middle of the Caribbean.
My goal was to fill an entire legal pad with journaling about all of these swirling thoughts and feelings, and land on some kind of steadiness within myself. I went through ‘parts work” ala internal family systems. I did mood doodles. I channeled my inner Emily Hay and did multiple ‘I AM’ practices.
I thought if I could just get it out on the page, I could make peace with it. Instead of willing myself to be “fixed” or “steady” or “okay,” I realized that I needed to befriend the messy middle. I could hold hands with the parts of myself I don’t approve of or understand. I can hold the younger parts, even as they throw the biggest tantrums.
What if i just allowed myself to fall apart?
This gentle inquiry lead me to sit with my inner-parenting. In my own self-mothering, I’d been incredibly harsh, critical, dismissive and discouraging. I treated my inner needy parts with such disdain, trying to rush them through their feelings and get back to equanimity- performative peace to avoid how uncomfortable it is to sit in the challenging seasons.
When was the last time you consciously mothered yourself? I started thinking about small ways that I could comfort myself in the midst of the storm and, my god, that felt so good. Intentionally nurturing yourself in all the ways that you’ve longed for feels like the first breath after having empty lungs for years.
The first breath.
I spent as much of the day as I could letting my next desire lead. What do I want to do next? and next? and then? Following my own internal wants and needs, unapologetically and without requiring explanation.
My hope in sharing is pretty much always the same: I hope that one soul feels a little more seen, a little more connected, hopeful and inspired to know themselves deeper.
If I can make peace with the uncertainty of life, you can, too. If I can hold my own wild and wonderful demons, you can, too. I am learning to believe in myself more and more so I can believe in YOU more and more. Every act of love that I point inward, is one that eventually points out.
So I’ll ask again: When was the last time you mothered yourself? When was the last time you let yourself fall apart? When was the last time you gave yourself the gift of solitude with your own magnificent shadow? If it’s been awhile, this is your sign.
My favorite moment of my time at sea was turning off all the lights in my cabin, donning my giant Bose headphones and dancing like a wild woman around my cabin and patio. I leaned (safely) over the railing and stared up at the sky, completely devoid of light pollution, I imagined myself sailing through the stars.
And as I marveled at the infinite - stars on stars on stars, hues of inky blue and black - I realized that the beauty that was bewitching me was already inside of me. Oh yeah, there I am - I remember.
Thanks, universe.
Thanks for reading this and being a part of this magical ride.
Tell me what lands for you. What stands out? I’d love to hear from you.
This week I am kicking off two FREE offerings:
Tuesdays Business Power Hour and Mingle 5pm CT
Thursdays Integration Circle 5pm CT
Email for the link Emily@WisdomMindBody.com